By Siobhan Rogers
Coping with grief during the festive season: how to honour a loved one lost to cancer
The festive season is often a time of joy, connection and celebration, but for many families grieving the loss of a loved one to cancer, Christmas and the holidays can feel profoundly different. The absence of a parent, sibling or family member can make traditions feel heavier, emotions more complex, and celebrations bittersweet. Over my 20 years as a social worker supporting children, young people and families affected by cancer, I’ve seen how grief can feel especially intense during this time of year.
If you’re wondering why grief feels stronger at Christmas, how to support children through the holidays, or how to honour someone you’ve lost while still caring for yourself, you’re not alone. In this guide on coping with grief during the festive season, I share practical, evidence-informed advice, along with real experiences from young people who have been there. My work as Practice Lead of Cancer Hub at Canteen Australia is grounded in grief and bereavement support, child and adolescent health, and building programs that help families navigate life after loss.
Whether this is your first Christmas without your loved one or one of many, my hope is that this guide helps you feel supported, understood, and empowered to create space for remembrance, connection and comfort — in whatever way feels right for you.
FAQ: Grieving during the holiday season
Losing a parent, sibling, or family member to cancer can make celebrations bittersweet. While their physical presence is absent, their memory can still be part of your festive traditions.
Common emotional experiences during the holidays include:
- Sadness or longing for your loved one’s presence
- Anger, guilt, or apathy
- Anxiety about upcoming events or family gatherings
- Feeling isolated when others seem unaffected
“The first Christmas without my dad meant that to me, Christmas had lost its spark… Every year since, we have found a new kind of normal, but it’s nothing like the joy Christmas used to bring me with my dad around.” - Abbey (who received support from Canteen)
Tip: Acknowledge your feelings. Moments of anger and even apathy are natural parts of the grieving process.
Many adults try to shield children from difficult emotions around birthdays, holidays or anniversaries. While this comes from a place of love, open and honest communication is essential.
Tips for talking to children:
- Use age-appropriate language
- Encourage them to ask questions and share feelings
- Include them in rituals or traditions that honour the loved one
- Avoid hiding your own emotions completely. Model healthy grieving
Honouring a loved one can foster a sense of connection and comfort. Consider these ideas:
- Family traditions: Embrace rituals you shared together
- Favourite activities: Play their favourite board game or pastime
- Culinary legacy: Cook their favourite dishes or drinks
- Music and memories: Play their favourite songs and share stories
- Personal mementos: Wear a piece of their clothing, jewellery, or perfume
- Humour: Recall funny stories to evoke their laughter
- Memory space: Create a spot to reflect collectively on special moments
Tip: Each family member may cope differently. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to celebrate or commemorate.
Grief can feel overwhelming, especially during the first festive season without your loved one.
Strategies that may help:
- Practice breathing exercises or mindfulness techniques
- Focus on small moments of joy and connection
- Allow yourself to feel emotions without judgement
- Set realistic expectations for yourself and others
“For me personally, I used breathing techniques when I got stressed or anxious, and I found joy in the little things, like spending time with my family.” – Abbey
Yes. While friends may seem unaffected, they can provide comfort if asked. Don’t hesitate to:
- Ask for help with holiday preparations or attending events
- Share feelings with trusted friends or family members
- Join online communities or support groups
What support is available for coping with Cancer over the Christmas season?
Canteen Connect: Our free online peer support community for young people affected by cancer
Canteen Connect Events: See if there’s an ‘in real life’ event coming up near you.
Canteen Counsellors: Canteen counselling services are confidential and completely free. Our counsellors and psychologists are specially trained to understand the challenges cancer brings.
Canteen provides a wide range of FREE support services to help young people impacted by cancer overcome their specific challenges. Find out more.
About the author:
Siobhan Rogers works as a Practice Lead at Cancer Hub. She has worked at Canteen for over four years and has more than 20 years’ experience as a social worker across a variety of clinical roles. She has a background in child and adolescent health, grief and bereavement support, and program development for children, young people, and families impacted by cancer.