For friends and family
Family
Families can come in all shapes and sizes, and a diagnosis of cancer can be one of the biggest crises your family will go through. Some of the ways families may deal with cancer is by becoming over protective if a young person has cancer, trying to cope with everything on their own, or pretending it’s not really happening, Other families may seek a lot of assistance from friends and external support groups. Each family member has their own way of dealing with a crisis. During such a situation, life can’t stop. Small everyday stresses which are normally handled easily suddenly become enormous problems. Conflict can come about as individuals within the family can demand time and attention from each other (sometimes all at once!). Sometimes you can find the energy to support each other – at other times you may have enough trouble just looking after yourself.
When everyday life is threatened by a serious illness, the family is under a lot of additional stress. Some families get stronger and others grow further apart through the cancer experience. The family often has to be re-organised. One parent may have to quit their job to look after the family member who has cancer, or if it is a parent with cancer there may be a lot of other implications as there is one less adult in the house to take care of things. Because each family member is an individual they will all have different ways of coping.
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Friends
Your friends are very important to you. You probably spend as much time with them as you do your family so it is understandable that you or your friends may be struggling with emotions related to cancer, much like other members of your family might be. Your friends may be asking themselves a number of questions and just may feel that they no longer know what to say. Some things they may be thinking are:
- What am I supposed to say or do?
- How can I be a friend to a friend who is living with cancer?
- Should I ask how he or she is feeling?
- Should I talk about how much fun I had last night?
- Should I talk about the things that are bothering me, seeing as they seem so trivial compared to what my friend is going through?
- What will I do if I lose my best friend?
Your cancer experience may be the first time you or your friends have had to confront a serious illness and the fear of loss. Knowing how to come to terms with what is happening may take time and good communication with your friends will be necessary. Your friends may need your assistance at this time to overcome their discomfort. Often you will have to make the first move towards your friends – to let them know that you are able to talk about your situation.
It is up to you to decide when you are ready to do this.
You can print off the “Tips for Friends” page and give it to them!
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